Integrated Muggle Week
by Crazy4Moony
Summary: Hogwarts organises the first Integrated Muggle week ever known to men. What the hell? General chaos enissues as the Marauders try to get the point and suspicions rise as two couples plan on spending their precious time a bit... differently. RLSB JPLM
1. Chapter one: Integrated Muggle Week?

**Integrated Muggle Week.**

**Chapter one: Integrated Muggle week?**

**AN: Wauw. Chapter one :o I'm shocked.**

It was the notice board. James blamed the notice board for his bad day. It was _always_ the notice board.

See, James had been in a steady relationship for seven months now. And his significant other half was always so amazing, and beautiful, and just _perfect_. But now he was annoyed and ranting, and since there was no one in his bedroom besides the two of them, he was ranting at James. Indeed, it had not been a pleasant morning. He watched as his lover huffed and puffed, and shouted: "what the hell does that mean anyway? 'Integrated Muggle week'?!" at random moments. But, James was a good boyfriend. He himself had ranted to the other millions of times before. And he quite liked the look of him, absolutely everywhere, flushed and complaining, looking pouty and cute.

Though that didn't change the fact that he wanted to absolutely murder the notice board. (Or burn it, either way was okay with James, really.)

* * *

"I think it might be interesting." Remus stated, spitting out some of the toothpaste. Where James had been in the Slytherin's headboy's room, hating the notice board, Remus was in his own, still being quite fond of the bringer of news.

Sirius groaned, back in the bedroom, and Remus restrained the urge to roll his eyes. The bastard was still sleeping, lazy arse as he was. He then proceeded to mumble something incoherent, and Remus got back inside the other room, leaning against the doorframe. Sirius was hugging the entire bed, one foot lazily swinging over the side, an arm tucked underneath the pillow, the other patting the bed, motioning Remus to come and join him. There was another sigh, but he lay down on the bed nonetheless, already half-clothed. As he saw the mischievous grin on Sirius' face, he knew that the single piece of clothing he wore wouldn't stay in place for that long. No. He could've known though—Sirius was always frisky when he woke up.

(They never got around discussing the notice board that morning. No. Too many other things to do that might require a mouth, but definitely not words.)

* * *

Lucius gave a final sigh and sat down on the bed. Bad morning. Evil notice board. What else? Oh yeah, a hot and half-naked James Potter. Maybe not such a bad morning after all.

"Maybe it won't be so bad?" James said, sitting down. "I mean... so we have to be muggle-like for a week. That can't be so hard?"

Lucius gave him his own personal glare-of-doom, and huffed.

"Anything muggle-ish is bad. I never said 'hard'. I said 'bad'. As in evil."

"You know..." James started, and Lucius could tell he was up to something. "If it turns out to suck," he gave Lucius that lascivious I-wanna-ravish-you-mad wink. "We could just skip school and pretend to be sick," Lucius' eyes grew wide, and James knew victory was his. "I think I know some... ah, entertaining ways to spend that week."

Okay. So that makes: amazing morning, evil notice board, and a hot and completely-naked James Potter. Great.

* * *

By the time all four of them made it round to the Great Hall, it was already filled, and Lilly and Peter looked rather insulted at having to wait so long for the other Marauders to join them.

"So," James said, ignoring the angry glares he was receiving from Lilly. "Does anyone actually know what this Integrated Muggle Week is?"

Remus poured himself a cup of milk and nodded.

"It's quite simple really; Dumbledore wants us to learn more about muggles, and how they can survive without magic. So he invented this week. Instead of potions, transfiguration, charms, and all the rest, we're getting lessons in cooking, hand labour, and other muggle stuff. Oh, you're actually not allowed to play Quidditch this week," at this James en Sirius' mouths dropped. But Remus ignored it and buttered his toast. "You can audition for soccer though."

"Soccer?" Sirius squeaked (of course he didn't! He said it in a very manly manner!) in disbelief. "You've gotta be joshing me!"

"What's wrong with soccer?" Remus questioned.

Admitted, he wasn't a great soccer fan, but he'd thought Sirius and James would've loved the idea of soccer—you know, great balls involved, that should be heaven for two queers like them.

"_What's wrong with soccer_?" Sirius asked, clearly insulted Remus could ask such ridiculous questions. "There's eleven people running after a ball, and as soon as they get it, they kick it away again! And then you ask _what's wrong_ with soccer!"

"Oh come on," Remus rolled his eyes. "Quidditch is about one guy that tries to catch a golden orb that's near to invisible!"

"But Moony," Sirius whined. "Quidditch is fun!"

"You just use it as an excuse to have something between your legs!" Remus said and James laughed.

Sirius fixed him a stare, sneering: "back off Potter, don't get me started on you!" And James quickly drank some milk.

"Quidditch is fun." Sirius repeated. "I wouldn't use it merely to have something occupying my..." he couched lightly, then straightened his back. "Otherwise you'd have no use Moony."

Remus' eyes widened. James choked on his milk. Lilly slapped her hand in front of her mouth, and Peter believed Sirius had lost it. _Oh no he didn't..._

Before anyone even knew, Sirius' cheek was throbbing and Remus was back to silently consuming toast. Sirius blinked dumbly, patting his cheek lightly. Had Remus just hit him?

"If you ever say anything like that about me again," Remus began, voice like ice. "I'll have your head. Bastard."

In one second flat he'd finished his toast, took his bag, and was out of the great hall. Everyone stared at Sirius.

"Are you nutters?" James asked seriously, and Sirius just shrugged his shoulders in question. "You're a bloody manwhore and everyone knows it! Telling the man you love that he's only there because you need sex is a really stupid thing to do! Definitely since he was only teasing!"

"But so was I!" Sirius protested.

James sighed.

"You can't tease about stuff like that Sirri! Because with you there's always a chance you do indeed just use the boyfriends for sex!"

Sirius really wanted to be insulted now and blame James—but he knew James was right so he got up.

"I should find him." He said, and left.

* * *

"Moony?" Sirius tried. The only response was infinite silence. _Where has he gone?_ He wasn't in any of the bathrooms, or in the broom-closets. So where could he—_library_.

Sirius jogged up a set of stairs, pushed passed old wooden doors, passed rows of books and found the love of his life by a table, talking to a Ravenclaw. A nice Ravenclaw that gave Remus 'come hither' looks without him noticing. A sexy Ravenclaw that was—_Oh, he better not be hitting on my boyfriend._

Sirius marched up to the two, pulled back the Ravenclaw's chair and sneered: "shove it, pal!" taking the seat for himself. The Ravenclaw looked rather frightened, and he grabbed his books, muttering some sort of apology and left with his tail between his legs. Sirius growled at him, then turned to the boy that was quirking an eyebrow at him.

"What on earth do you think you're doing?" Remus asked bitterly.

"The bastard was flirting with you!" Sirius frowned madly.

"He was not," Remus protested, turning back to his paper. "We were discussing McGonagall's essay."

"He wants to fuck you Remus." Sirius said without shame.

Remus said nothing, just scribbled something down. He didn't even shake his head in disbelief. Just acted as if Sirius wasn't there to begin with.

"So, what I came to tell you was: I didn't mean that," Sirius continued when he got no response. "I don't only like you because you're good in bed, though I must say I like that aspect of our relationship very much, and you're really amazing and I've never known a body that could bend quite as sexily as yours does," Remus got a little blush on his cheeks, but didn't look up. "And... _fuck you_ Moony!" He suddenly yelled and Remus stiffened. "I'm trying to apologise! Fucking look at me when I talk to you!" Sirius angrily grabbed Remus' knees and turned him around in his chair.

Remus gasped. Sirius pulled him closer, forcing his own knee between Remus'.

"I hate it when you try to ignore me," Sirius hissed, fiercely rubbing against him. Remus scratched at Sirius' hands, which were now on his hips. Though Sirius wasn't sure whether he was trying to get them off, or trying to make them stay there. "You should know I don't tolerate that type of behaviour from you. And let's not forget, I'm quite hard to ignore."

He forced his knee harder against Remus and Remus whimpered. Then he used his hands to haul Remus up by his hips, and place him on his leg, rubbing down hard. Remus tried to push away, not quite feeling like being molested in such a way—like horseback ridding on daddy's knee, no thank you, that's not a Remus thing. But Sirius only tightened his grip on his hips and wriggled his knee against the coarse fabric at Remus' crotch.

"Now let's make up," Sirius ordered. "Give me a kiss."

"No," Remus muttered, groaned when Sirius rubbed hard. "You're mean, you don't deserve one."

"Remus, don't be so disobedient," Sirius said in a fatherly way. Remus hated when he went like that—though, because it was Sirius doing it, it was hot in a weird way too. "I said I was sorry. Give me a kiss."

"No."

Sirius sighed.

"Fine. Then you'll have to be punished." He held Remus' body in place with one hand, and with the other, unzipped his jeans.

"Sirius, what're you..." but he was interrupted when Sirius ran the palm of his hand roughly over the surface of his hard cock.

Remus gasped again, and tried fighting him off, but he couldn't get away from the death grip Sirius had on his hip. The knee repeated his earlier motion, and Sirius' hand forced him down hard against the fabric of his jeans. Remus whimpered.

"Don't..." he pleaded.

"I'll stop. If you give me a kiss." Sirius said.

Remus shook his head, and Sirius stroked him again, hard and taunting. He wriggled his knee and ignored all the pleas Remus was making, moved his palm agonisingly over his length, fingered the slit until...

"Fine!" Remus cried out. Sirius dragged his finger up for good measurement—Remus moaned breathlessly. "St...-stop," he panted. "I forgive you."

"I get a kiss?" Sirius asked playfully.

"Yeah, yeah," Remus breathed. Sirius grinned and brought Remus' body closer to his own. "God, I hate you." Remus muttered.

Their eyes locked and Sirius' grin turned into a soft smile.

"I love you too sweetheart." He whispered.

And then their lips locked too.

* * *

"Hey," someone tugged at Lucius' wrist and he turned around, frowning when he didn't see anything. Severus looked at him when he noticed Lucius had stopped walking, and a voice whispered. "Come on."

Lucius' eyes widened and his frown grew. Under his invisibility cloak James inwardly sighed—for a genius, Lucius was quite stupid at times. He tugged harder and dragged Lucius behind him. Lucius scratched and clawed at James' hand, believing some sort of freaky force was abducting him, but then they entered an empty classroom and James took off his cloak.

"James, goddammit!" Lucius swore when he saw the raven head. "You scared me!"

James shook his head and kissed the blonde softly.

"No complaining," he said, kissing him more fiercely and softly pushing him against the wall. "We have ten minutes until class starts; I say we use them wisely."

"I second that." Lucius muttered and their lips didn't separate for the following fifteen minutes. Yes, they would be late for class. No, they would not give a damn.

* * *

Up in the library Sirius had found a nice dark corner where they could erm... discuss McGonagall's essay... yes. Remus tipped his head to the side lightly and Sirius grinned.

"Let's just skip that stupid Integrated Muggle Week, and spend time doing naughty stuff in the closet." Sirius proposed with a sexy wiggle of the eyebrows.

And Remus wasn't sure if he even wanted to resist. What was so great about Integrated Muggle Week anyways? He couldn't even remember why he'd liked the idea—though that could be because Sirius was very distracting when he made his tongue go like _that_.

**AN: Yes! Chapter one is complete! Cheers! So... should I continue? Review and let me know! **


	2. Chapter two: Soccer? Oh fine

**Chapter two****: Soccer? Oh fine.**

"As you all know," McGonagall began. "Integrated Muggle Week starts as from tomorrow. I will hand out these forms," she swished her wand and the papers flew over to the student's desks. "And you are to hand them in if you wish to play on the soccer team. These are the forms for the cookery lessons. The forms need to be delivered at my desk today. Tomorrow is too late." The rest of the forms in her hands divided themselves under the students.

Sirius glanced down at them, and grinned. He and James were on the last row of the class, right in the middle—Remus and Peter were on the second row, on the right, near the door. He looked at Moony, who was discussing something with Peter, and got an idea. If Moony liked soccer so much, maybe they could get a deal.

"Hey, Moony!" He called over, and Remus turned around, brow raised in question.

A couple of girls turned too, wondering what their God, Sirius Black had to say.

"Let's make a deal," Sirius yelled, and James stared absentmindedly at Lucius. "If you take up the cooking, I'll do the soccer!"

"And why would I do that?" Remus questioned.

"Well, someone will have to cook for our kids Moony!" Sirius protested and some girls looked as if they were about to faint. "And let's be reasonable, you sure as hell won't make me do that!"

"Padfoot," Remus began in a soft singsong voice. "Love, you keep on forgetting that I'm _not_ the girl in this relationship. I'm not cooking."

"But then the kids will starve!" Sirius whined, and McGonagall rolled her eyes.

"We can't have kids Sirius," Remus replied. "We're both guys."

"Maybe it's for the best," Sirius tried on a very sad voice—it suited him, because the girls were back to swooning. "That way they can't starve. But come on, you have to admit, me as a soccer player; that'd be pretty hot!"

"Of course," Remus agreed, nodding, and Peter laughed. "You should totally wear a jersey to bed tonight; it'd be such a turn-on."

Sirius wiggled his eyebrows seductively.

"I've always had something for cooking people." He tried feebly—as if it would trick the smart Remus Lupin. Of course, it didn't.

"Then fall in love with a girl." Remus yelled.

The whole class—minus the Slytherins—laughed and Sirius sulked.

"No way that's fair Moony!"

"Well, life isn't fair Padfoot!"

"You are a cruel man Remus John Lupin!" Sirius declared knightly, and more laughter ensued. "And I will personally see to it that you become a better one!"

Peter thumped Remus in the back, shaking his head at Sirius' declaration.

"And how do you plan on doing that, oh noble Sirius Orion Black?" Remus questioned mockingly.

"Well, you'll just have to meet me in the library tonight and find out." More wiggling of the eyebrows and now Remus laughed with the rest.

"You're such a perv Padfoot," Remus laughed and threw a piece of rolled-up parchment at the boy. "Do try to behave."

"I'll do my best," he saluted Remus and glanced down at the forms. "But I'll need a reward."

Remus sighed.

"Yeah fine, I still have some dog biscuits in my trunk." More laughter, but Sirius shook his head.

"No, no Moony. I'll behave, if you fill in the cookery form!"

Remus glared, thought, and then said: "well Padfoot," he sounded defeated. "It seems that you've cornered me here," Sirius got the glint of victory in his eyes. "I give up, go on," Sirius put his quill to the form, ready to write down Remus' name. "Misbehave." And he—_wait._

"_What_?"

"You heard me," Remus said. "Misbehave."

"But Moony..." Sirius whined, but the rest of the whining was drowned out by the bell ringing.

Everyone got up, packing their things and talking about the forms and Sirius Black—Sirius was most popular with the girls, no matter how much he flirted with Remus in public. James pushed all his stuff into his book bag and went out, waiting for his friends outside. He pretended to bump into Lucius on his way through the door, but really just passed a note. Then Peter joined him and they waited for Remus and Sirius together.

"Moony?" Remus turned his head, still putting his books in his bag. Sirius was looking down at him with his big, grey eyes, smiling a typical-Black smile.

Remus nodded, half-meaning for Sirius to understand that he was all ears, as he continued putting his thick Ancient Runes book in his bag—not that he'd needed it during Transfiguration, of course, but whatever.

Sirius sighed when Remus didn't give him his full attention, wrapped his arms around his slender hips, and pulled him close.

"Siri, I was..."

"Just listen?" Sirius insisted, and Remus stared at his book bag absentmindedly, before returning his attention to Sirius.

"I wasn't joking about the cooking and the soccer Remus," he said, stroking some hair from Remus' face with his nose. "But I don't want to make it sound as if I think you should do the cooking because you're the girl in the relationship, because you're not. We're both dudes and it's time we accept that. It's because when we're older and live together and stuff like that, and when we have a family," Remus blinked—he never knew Sirius was this sentimental about... anything, really. "I _really_ don't want them to starve."

Remus blinked again, then snickered. And when they kissed Remus couldn't help lifting his leg in a very _girly_ way.

--

"Finally, what the hell took so long?" James frowned at his friends, who emerged the classroom—without holding hands, and their lips weren't locked either.

"We already gave our files to McGonagall," Sirius explained, and they made their way to the great hall. "I'm going to do the soccer thing," the raven head thumped James with his elbow. "You should join me Prongs—that way it might actually be fun."

Remus grinned and he and Peter started their earlier discussion again—something about trolls and the great smell that they leave behind.

"Yeah, I might just do that," James said. "We could make it one hell of an event."

"Just make sure Lucy doesn't audition too," Sirius always called Lucius 'Lucy'—and not only so no one would know they were discussing Malfoy. He also found it great fun to name him after a girl. "'Cause then you might end up on different teams and it'll be all rivalry and stuff—it's bad enough with Quidditch as it is."

James nodded. He loved the man to pieces, he really did, but after Quidditch matches (Gryffindor vs. Slytherin, of course) they always acted a bit awkward towards each other. Because they didn't like loosing, and whether they'd won or lost the game, they had to be there in the evening. To celebrate or to mourn. Either way. And when they'd meet the next day, it would be after a night full of Gryffindors ranting about Slytherins, or Slytherins ranting about Gryffindors—so it was only normal it was a bit weird to see each other. It passed, of course, but James didn't like it anyways. He didn't like not-talking to Lucius. Or feeling looks on disdain and restraint burning a hole in his back. It really was no fun.

Just at that moment, Lucius emerged from a side-room, screaming: "Yeah well, you can just stick it up your arse, you stupid bitch!" And everyone in the hallway turned to him. After him young Rita Skeeter emerged—she was now intern at the Daily Prophet.

"Oh, but Mister Malfoy, you're bound to have some kind of comment?"

"SHUT UP!" Lucius turned to her in distress, continuing to walk. "LEAVE ME ALONE OR I'LL KICK YOUR FUCKING ASS!"

People stared at him in shock, and he yelled: "MOVE!" so they broke apart in fright, allowing him to leave the hallway. Rita clacked her tongue in disproval and scribbled something down.

James looked at the corner where Lucius had disappeared, then rushed over to Rita. He wondered how best to handle this.

"What the hell is he so pissed about?" James asked casually, and Rita studied him over her horn glasses.

"Ah, Mister Potter," she smiled when she recognised the young man. "Mister Malfoy's sworn enemy, éh?"

"Well, no," James stuttered—everyone had always assumed Lucius and he wouldn't get along, since their parents were not on good base with each other. "We're not sworn enemies! We just... aren't best friends."

"Aha," she wrote something down. "So you would call yourself friends, Mister Potter?"

"I..." James blushed. "That's not the point... I was wondering what was he so mad about?"

Rita smiled again, scribbling down.

"I just asked him if he had some comment about his grandfather's death," she said and James felt his heart thump faster. "Apparently he wasn't even aware that he passed away this morning."

"His... his grandfather died?" James squeaked and somewhere behind him Sirius and Remus exchanged looks.

Rita nodded, and started again: "now, is there anything you..." James ran away, spurting after Lucius. "Mister Potter!" She called after him, but he already turned the corner.

She murmured something about 'teenage delinquents' and left.

--

"Lucius?" James knocked softly on the door, before opening it and slipping inside the room.

The blonde was on his bed, curled up and sobbing into his pillow. James waited, not knowing what to do. He wasn't very good at the whole comforting scenery. He didn't work that way—and even if he would know what to say; what _can you_ say when one's grandfather passed away?

He walked over to the bed, sitting down next to the crying blonde—he wasn't good at comforting, but maybe he didn't need to comfort Lucius. Just being there would suffice, James decided. He lay down, careful not to alarm the blonde in any way, and spooned close against Lucius' backside, throwing his arms around the shaking frame.

Lucius turned around in James' embrace immediately, and hid his face in James' shirt, rolling up against his chest.

"My father," he sobbed. "Didn't even tell me."

James didn't say anything, just pulled the broken boy closer. He knew Lucius and his father didn't get along well—but for him not to tell him his grandfather had died, that was just terrible. The only one Lucius really liked in his whole family was his granddad. And now he was gone.

--

"I wonder how he's holding up." Remus said, as they entered greenhouse six.

Sirius sighed slightly—he felt partly guilty. He knew his mother would've sent a letter to Hogwarts by now to tell her sons that Lucien's father had passed away. But Lucien could've gotten a letter to the castle sooner, of course, since it was about Lucius' grandfather. Yet Lucien had chosen to carefully avoid the subject, and hadn't informed his son.

"James will make him feel better." Sirius said—but he didn't sound too sure, if you asked Remus.

"I feel sorry for him," Remus said, putting on his gloves. "His granddad is the only one he likes—it's so typical that those are the people you lose first."

"It's not fair," Sirius agreed, and they started plucking their plants, so they could get out the seeds later. "But there really isn't anything to do about it—it's just life."

Remus nodded in agreement, investigating his plant—it seemed a bit dead. He sighed and started carefully picking the leaves. Remus didn't like herbology, it was so stupid and pointless. He didn't even care that he was rather good at it—it was still boring.

Sirius was still thinking about the Integrated Muggle Week, and the soccer. Even though it was called Integrated Muggle _Week_, it would actually be two weeks—Dumbledore had changed that last-minute, deciding that one week wasn't long enough to learn about muggles and their mysterious ways. He hadn't changed the name though, 'Two Integrated Muggle Weeks' sounded a bit too weird, even for Dumbledore. He wondered if soccer would really be crappy, or nice—couldn't be better than Quidditch, but who knew. And if it wasn't nice, he always had a jersey to seduce Remus with—which was just as good, really.

--

"So mate," Sirius tried to smile at James, who rubbed his eyes tiredly. "You didn't forget to give McGonagall the forms, right?"

"Nah," he gave a small yawn—he'd just entered the dorm, and it was far past midnight. Sirius and Remus had been waiting for him, but evidently Remus had fallen asleep, rolled up in front of the fire. "I'm doing soccer, Lucius said he'd cook, though he's planning on just skipping the weeks."

"How's he doing than?" Sirius questioned sympathetically, scooping so James could sit down too.

"Bad," James sighed, leaning against his best friend's shoulder slightly. He looked up with his big brown eyes and Sirius gave a sad smile. "He didn't even want me to stay—at first he didn't mind, but then he started fussing and he refused to let me touch him. Which is really bad. He's only like that when he's really upset... which is almost never," he rubbed his temples, looking down at his lap. "I feel so bad, because I don't know what to say. His grandfather meant the world to him, and no he's dead."

"Skip school with him."

"I'm going to—but what if he doesn't get better and still pushes me away?"

"Then you play soccer with me, mate."

"Soccer?" James asked in disbelief—it sounded so retarded. But Sirius looked at him with those puppy-dog-eyes and he just had to give in. "Oh fine."

**AN: Wauw. This took me too long... darnit. Review and I'll update faster! Next up is: Soup and Mud, or Soup equals Mud? Where the IMW begins! :D Yeeaj! **


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